seasonal sonder
We could all try to erase or pacify the idea of change as much as we'd like, but going through seasons will always bring us back to the sanctity of change.
I have noticed there is an exact moment, time, and place where my entire body realises that the season is now changed. This is often as simple as feeling the slightly cooler or warmer touch of the sun. A breeze that's not quite as sweet or dry as I would expect. The flowering of certain gumtrees, plants, or the yellowing of leaves. The call of a certain migratory bird. My favourite is when I consciously process the incongruence of a shining sun but still feeling slightly cold on my morning walk during the start of winter.
Then, there comes a flood of thoughts, emotions, and a powerful but unnerving flash of the future.
Where will I be when this season passes me? What will I be doing when I realise the next season is now with us. Who will I be? Will I make the most of the time I have now that everything and everyone is seemingly fine in my life? What will change this season? Will I be happier or sadder?
The split second flood of future not-yet-created memories is enough to let me know how the season will turn out. And in this split second, everything I feel about the season and its future is so vivid and real. Almost like deja vu.
Am I vacant, impatient, dismissive, or overwhelmed? I fear I will be going through a lot of learning and potential regret. I might have failed myself in being grounded enough to make the most of out it.
Am I nervously excited, have a lot of plans, feel somewhat confident in my choices, and feel positive? This is my favourite feeling, where even though there might be things that I am nervous about, I know I will enjoy this season.
Both iterations every seasonal change reveal a lot about my inner self. I aim to be in balance between the two as one makes me learn more and the other refuels me.
I think for me, this moment is closest to a feeling of seasonal sonder. For those that haven't come across this word, it was coined in the 2000s and is one of my favourite feelings:
sonder: (n) a profound emotion arising from the realisation that every person, not just oneself, has a rich life and complex emotions
Applying it to this feeling of seasonal change, I interpret the words now as:
seasonal sonder: a profound emotion arising from the realisation that every seasonal shift is an unavoidable change within the self, with infinite possibilities of what will come out at season's end.
If you like the idea of sonder. Check out these blog posts from other bear bloggers:
https://puppynet.work/sonder-and-thinking-about-the-interesting-lives-of-others
https://kami.bearblog.dev/comic-01-sonder