last updated: 1Β month ago
This is a page updated sporadically on what I am up to, what I am looking forward to, and anything I might be struggling with.
films: La Haine! Something in my brain chemistry changed after watching this film. What the actual heck - grief-filled hopeless cyclical poetry in motion. "I feel like an ant lost in intergalactic space".
books: Most recently I completed The White Darkness. I remember feeling empathy for Henry Worsley, who is the character study in this book, and inspired by his perseverance. His family is beautiful and many of his last images were so moving.
plays: I saw Lacuna by Griffin Theatre. Being able to peer into a deeply personal story of queerness and conflicting cultures, and wrapping it up with really cool lighting and myth, was so satisfying. Quite moving, too.
music/gigs: A spark of curiosity about life was ignited again after attending the first night of the Inner West Jazz Fest. I met a travelling double bassist, W. We talked about the burden of being eldest children, finding purpose in life, and experimental photographic techniques. We both pulled out field recorders and had the same idea to archive the show :D
struggling with: Honestly, just questioning every single atom of me at this point. I am presented with the fig tree analogy by Plath and trying to figure out how I accept the fact that I will never be able to do everything I want. And the things I have already missed out on need to be accepted instead of constantly grieved. Also struggling with how I come to terms with my masculinity and unlearn so many patriarchal unconscious behavioural patterns. Additionally, learning to also simply do things without expecting anything in return, including the desire to be seen.
recent wins: Feeling my emotions a little more than before. Still not quite there yet with my ability to think about them more than feel them. Saying no to things with people and communicating my capacity a little better.
excited about: I took this coming Friday off to go on a hike. I am excited to do it and take some photos and sound recordings, but mostly to see wildflowers and be more present in nature.
trying to learn: Memorising a poem.