darsh's life

the joys of a tender week

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Every now and then, I experience a week that is full of emotion, experience, present-mindedness and as a result... tenderness. I cherish these times. It's a reminder of how temporal life is sometimes. The mind categorises and buckets experiences in chunks. I like to think though that before industrialisation, we would all experience these feelings and intensities throughout our lives, in a comforting, continuous motion.

Dear reader, come with me as I share some details about this week and what made it feel so special for me.

monday night confessions at church street studios (mon)

Weeks feels more real when I discover something new. Something compelled me to see some jazz on Monday night. Maybe it was the buzz I was hearing about this new band (and knowing one of the musicians and their reverence within the Sydney jazz scene) and also partly because even after knowing about this for so long, I had never actually visited this venue. As more jazz venues die out sadly, I wanted to make sure I supported them.

I saw Hallucinations in the first set and then the duo Phil Slater & Chris Abrahams. The place felt so welcoming. A quaint studio with an inviting decor and stage. The music and artistry was sublime. I felt each draw of breath the musicians made as they attempted to push the limits of the instruments the played.

My highlight was meeting a jazz musician that sat next to me. I will forever be grateful and chuffed that I am able to start conversations with strangers (mostly) and make meaningful conversations. I think it's one of the biggest joys I have despite my history of social anxiety.

stella donnelly at oxford art factory (thu)

Weeks feel more real when I am whimsical. I was always meant to see Stella Donnelly perform. I was even going to take time off work because it landed on a "team building" day. I wouldn't miss this because I knew this artist and I would connect, even though I am a relatively new fan. She encourages vulnerability, champions birdwatching, and takes a strong moral stand and inspires me to do the same. I can't ask for any more to be frank.

But, I was going to skip this, because Kisses were playing on the same night. (More on that later 😉). I thought, maybe I prefer a smaller show anyway. That came from a time when I was in an anxious and isolating emotional state. But here is where talking about this helped. I mentioned to a gig friend, L, (who loves both these artists) on my plan. They nudged me in just the smallest of direction by saying they were going to see Stella on Thursday and then Kisses on the Friday by catching a train after work.

If they can do it surely I can! And that's how the whimsy began. Screw it, let me catch Stella and I will drive out to Thirroul (and give gig friend a lift) after work on Friday. It will be an adventure. And whilst I did have to push myself a bit, it was totally worth it.

Stella Donnelly's gig was what pressed most on the tenderness. It was a perfect messenger of all the feelings I was going through. It was a cathartic feeling though. Like when a good, close friend pushes you to feel the thing that hurts the most, because they know you well enough to know that's what you need to heal - even if it is initially painful. I felt like everyone else was feeling this too. This is the true gift of gigs - the shared consciousness.

kisses at thirroul railway institute (fri)

Weeks feel more real when there's a sense of adventure. I was looking forward to this day all week. No matter how tedious work got, or how hard emotions felt to manage, there was Kisses that I was going to travel to with my gig friend at the end of the week.

Finishing work (a tad early to beat the traffic) felt amazing because of the adventure up ahead. The drive to Thirroul would be around a 1h20m which is not too bad at all! This would be my gig friend's first time going to Thirroul (as would mine) so it felt good to also provide this new experience to someone else.

My car has a multi-load CD player that I haven't used in years. This was finally utilised when we decided to play what was inside. It was my dad's old Sitar Ragas CD. I should let him know how nice that felt to listen back to. Afterwards, we put in something else that L had brought along. His father's favourite album/band, playing in the car my father once owned and passed to me. Poetic as.

As we arrived at Thirroul, it felt like a different world. The clouds were hanging low, there were mountains to one side, and the ocean on the other. To me, I imagine this is where first loves take place, with Kisses playing in the background as the soundtrack.

I melted as soon as I saw the venue. An old railway institute hall, full of memorabilia and history. The stage had the railway tracks behind it, with the occasional train passing by in the background as the most beautiful music played in the foreground. Some band members playing bean bag volleyball in the lawn outside. I felt so welcome here.

This entire gig was the antidote to tenderness. It healed the tenderness by flooding it with it. I was transported to a world of love and soft feelings. The atmosphere in the audience was of captivation, admiration, and beams of smiles on every corner of everyone's mouth.

For me Kisses is a band that makes me feel like I am in love, all is well with the world, and above all, a comfortable and safe vessel for yearning.

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Please go listen to the album 💙

stay tender and continue yearning

∎