the journey to the tail end
I'd say reading the tail end monumentally changed the way I spent my remaining time with my parents. Being a 1.5 generational migrant (and as many other 1.5+ generational migrants will tell you) comes with relationship baggage with our parents. My parents worked multiple jobs, gave up their careers, navigated a foreign culture which they were not prepared for, and severely missed their real home whilst simultaneously giving their children a brand new one. Memories and meaning split between two places.
My message on this post is quite simple: We have relatively limited great moments with our parent/s given everyone's developing modern adult lives. Accounting for work, partners, health commitments, personal goals, and perhaps being in a different city or country there are very few actual days left with your parent's life where they are healthy and fit (depending on your and your parent/s ages). The below is the original author's calculated days based on average time spent with them:
(source: https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html)
Don't put off that trip with them, even if it's short. Take every call from mum or dad within reason and if you must display boundaries or decline, show the utmost compassion and care. Work on fostering a relationship with your parent/s that aims to create new memories and plug in those gaps in the past. Create a friendship out of your parent/s and share your own passions with them. Sit down with them and tell them about your life and your worries and concerns. Just take a chance. Treat every interaction as your last.
I'm sorry this is sounding a little morose and morbid and I totally understand not all relationships with parents are healthy or salvageable or that they even exist sometimes. I am sorry for that. We also do need to take care of ourselves and navigate our own traumas. But speaking from experience as a migrant's child, if you can and you're in a place to do so, work on the relationship. You're in someone's last good percentage of life.
I am very fortunate that I am physically close to my parents and in the same city. And the thought of perhaps leaving them in this tail end is always a hard thought to think about if I ever do have to do it. But I know all I can do right now is to make those great moments count and fill their sacrifices with joy whilst they are still fully able to.
I'd like to shout out my friend 2keebs who encouraged me to write again. Please check their blog out 😊.