peering inside, amidst fog
i emerge out of the fog
the body survived
the mind i believe has changed
peering into myself
i see everything that is broken
years of covering it up with preoccupation
gave myself no space for growth
the mastery of my skill to pass through time
and exist just enough
that my ego is satisfied
at the expense of others deep down
i do not like who i see inside
i wish i was either courageous enough to change myself
or not so self aware that i find ways to live with it
frozen actions in observations
no wonder i feel like i have not moved at all
i can achieve arbitrary goals
but what about the very thing
that makes it about being a good human
and not intense performance?
everything feels impossible
will i ever heal?
or continue to stand still with the damage1
i hope i haven't lost my soul
in that time when i thought i could stop existing
i have a choice
there is still time2