broken people, broken lives
deafheaven - amethyst
dad, you opened up
and let me know the empty lives your children inhabit
how we seem unreachable to your needs and dreams
how we live in our own world
devoid of any hints of our culture
never delving below the surface
i could see you had held this for so long
you worry that we are the last of your family tree
how we may regret forgetting our parents
mum's home made cooking
a chance to still connect deeply
laugh and cry together
strive for happiness
connect with our roots
instead of cutting them in pursuit of conformity
and misplaced identity
what can i say dad?
i feel like we are all so broken
life has been kind to us on paper
but the paper is razor thin
used as a veil
you seem to be able to see below
you told me your regret not being around us when we grew up
you depleted your bodies and soul to provide financial safety
i can see how it must feel
to have given up so much
and to feel like you have gotten so little in return
not in a transactional way
but for your children to see your point of view
at least acknowledge it
and be true, good partners
who heal themselves and the people around them
instead of drowning in darkness
i mentioned we are broken people
things have happened to all of us
which have left us fractured
i know this was an excuse of sorts
it's because i feel so scared shitless
of how to even unravel this
there's a system in place now
a perfect way to avoid just enough
and live just enough
so that i can live with myself
and call myself good enough
i feel so deeply lost
it's all unravelling
staring into the chasm of what could have been
what things can be
will i be able to make it to the other side
and not remain in a broken existence?
i must remain hopeful