all this life at night
there is an inward cut
i feel when passing by life happening around me
people out with their best friend in newtown
stumbling from one venue to another
or heading to a party
dressed up and full of joy
or glancing at people they fancy
with that glimmer of hope and optimism
that they may glance back
and each others night's may blend into one
with a story to share with other when you're older\
this wound
is from everything i didn't do
or didn't have a chance to experience
or decided to withdraw or isolate
because i didn't have the courage to do anything else
and knowing
that as i am now older
those things will likely never happen
and i am destined to walk with more solitude
than i would have liked
and i will always wonder
what life feels like when you're young
filled with hope and life
when a night can feel like the whole world
smoking and drinking like there's no tomorrow
connections, memories, friendships just bloom
i will always wonder
what i could have been
if i had not decided
that the alternative to life was to let it pass by
how do i return to joy
when i've never really known it in the first place
one path is continual anhedonia and masking
the other path is unclear
but i know one thing
if i live with this sadness forever
i better make something out of it
for there are people who are living out there
and i will have nothing to show in the end