a small adventure to capture some stars on a monday night
There are times when an itch for a semi-formed adventure brews in a restless mind. An idea had been forming all of last week, I wanted to see the stars, the Milky way, and perhaps even capture them on my camera. I wanted to see if I still saw the night sky in the same way. I wanted to remind myself that there was more in the cosmos than my grief and regret. That many others also grieving had also seen these stars before me. Grieving through time, through the heavens. Filling life with new memories. Remind myself of myself again.
I'll share the photos first and you can then read about the mini-adventure below if you'd like :)
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The initial plan was to see them on the weekend somehow. I say somehow because I had been trying to occupy my thoughts by over-committing to as many events as I could. I had seen claire rousay on the Friday, and on the Saturday I was going to see an ambient music show in Marrickville. This was to help me slow down my thoughts and process them. Also, I was going to go to a rave with my friend on the same night. So, it's safe to say that I was recuperating on all of Sunday.
See, I already had a loose plan. I didn't want to drive too far out because that would just make me not want to even attempt it. In my research (searching reddit) I had found that with just a ~1h drive, I could see the milky way that close to the city (up north)! It was at the Palm Beach headlands and I was amazed that were was even an amateur astronomy club that gathered there some nights.
By Monday, my body still wanted no part in this adventure. It was a bit of a struggle to get out of bed that day. Work was meh. I was going to see my brother later that night for a well overdue chinwag.
However, as the day went on, I started to use my spare time to plan out what how I would do this trip tonight if I somehow manage to feel up to it. In my downtime I was checking how the drive would be, what exposure times I needed for the film I had on hand, and just trying to convince myself that seeing the stars will help me mentally. That it will somehow show me an epiphany.
So, Monday progressed and I had dinner with my brother and exchanged our life situations and hardships we were going both going through. Thankfully, he seems to be in a good place finally. I am happy for him. For the shared meal, I took some take away burgers to eat at his place. Classic veggie burgers from Hungry Jacks - ones that were such a luxury growing up, now a callback to childhood, ordered without using any coupons at all.
The dinner ends at around 8pm and I head back home. On my way back, I am running through the options and start forming a plan to make this happen. I am going to make this happen and if it fails or it ends up being a silly idea who cares - I am excercising my free will! I will still wake up tomorrow, just more sleep deprived but at least I will not have regrets and will create something :D
As soon as I get home, I gathered my tripod, tested that the interval meter worked with the SLR, quickly decided what lens I was going to use, transferred my film from a rangefinder to a film SLR, had an instant hot chocolate to warm me up a bit, put on my jacket, grabbed a chocolate to have once I arrive there to give myself positive reinforcement, and I was pretty much ready to go. The skies continued to be clear. The moon was only beginning to be in its waxing phase. Everything was set for this mini adventure.
The drive itself was pretty uneventful. I think I might have not put on any music at all and just thought out my thoughts driving through. It did feel quite long though but thankfully there wasn't that much traffic. I turn left into the headlands parking. I am nervous there will be no night sky at all or that clouds will form or that the milky way will not be there at all.
I nervously drive up to the far end of the headlands and park. It's very dark which is good. I get out and scan the environment. There are two groups of people. One group appears to be fishing. The other has a red light on suggesting they are here for astro. I have never been here before so I walk around to see if I am supposed to drive further up or not. I remember thinking to myself to walk as unsuspiciously as possible as I walk through these groups to explore the area a bit.
A lot of noise is going through my head. Do I set up at the place I have parked? Do I go up further but then risking feeling like an intruder to these people already there? Is there a better place to get better photos? Oh wow a police car is doing a patrol. Act normal! Anyway, I decided to stay where I had parked. It had everything I needed and I try to come back to the present again.
Oh and the night sky? Absolutely beautiful. I walked to the beach and just stared up for a while. The waves were crashing, the moon half shining, and my mind slowly escaping itself. Please enjoy some audio of that below:
I took around 5 photos. Since I was unsure of the position, exposure times, and if they would even turn out at all, I took a variety at different shutter speeds. I reminded myself to enjoy the moment and the stars and to expect that no images will come out at all. Just enjoy the process, right?
I sat on the bench, set up my interval meter, first at 30 seconds, then some at 1 minute, 1 minute 30 seconds, and then one at 5 minutes to get some star trails. I tried to guess the point of view as much as possible as I wasn't able to directly check via the viewfinder as the tripod was not really a high quality one and flimsy so the camera was a bit low to the ground. Adds to the excitement I guess.
I also took a photo of the beach and the water shimmering over the dim-ish moon light as well. I just had to. The way the moon sparkles on seawater is one of the most beautiful things in this world. I think I exposed this for 10-15 seconds? Maybe 30 seconds, I am unsure now :/
Anyway, on the 5 minute photo, I took that opportunity to just remain still, stare up, and think about the least amount of information I could. I was trying to see if I would see any meteors or satellites. The sky really was still that night (or there was too much light pollution). The night sky remains mesmerising. It remains mysterious. And I am still moved by it. Just in a different way today. I remember focusing on the sound of the waves crashing as I looked at the vast night sky. There's an ocean on Earth and there's a celestial ocean up above. I feel my jacket pocket. I forgot about the chocolate bar (Whittakers coconut slab). I ate my chocolate bar. I did the thing I wanted to do :)
By now, everyone in the headlands has left. It's just me. I am deciding whether I take more shots. I get this feeling that I am being watched for some reason. It's very quiet. I hear some noises but I am not sure if I am just making this up. My mind starts inventing things unfortunately. And fear gets the best of me. I decide to pack up and feel satisfied at what I have been able to capture and see.
I drive back home. As I exit, I notice there is a cleaning crew up ahead - the likely source of the noise I had heard earlier. It would have been fine if I had stayed but this is probably for the better. It will take an hour to get back and by the time I am home, it will be midnight.
As I drive back the moon was very low in the sky. It was enormous and so mysterious. It was not only larger than I expected, but it was in a hue that I don't often see - a light cream colour. Since it was waxing, it almost looked like the moon was smiling at me. I was in awe and had to be careful to keep my eyes on the road. A feeling of gratitude of being able to exist and experience such things swept over me.
I can't say that I had any epiphanies or that I even felt like I processed much. But who knows, adventures like these have some unexplainable power to ease core wounds and cuts that no amount of reason can explain. Experiences can change us or help us get through things. There's no point in analysing it sometimes, as I am slowly learning. Things can just happen.
The feeling of getting the photos above back was of elation and satisfaction. The plan worked. I was able to expose the night sky on film on a whim! I am capable of doing things and taking on challenges. I felt grateful. They're not perfect but I enjoyed the process a lot. I should exercise my free will more often. I am stronger and more human because of it.
NB: Thanks to H for sparking a deeper curiosity and intensity for what the night sky can mean to humans. There is a lot to feel through the world we find ourselves in.
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For anyone interested in how the photos were taken:
Specifications:
camera: nikon f90x
lens: nikkor af 20mm f2.8, focused at infinity and at f2.8
film: ilford hp5 400
technique: point the camera at the sky for various intervals using a tripod between 30s - 5 minutes. 30s was enough to capture the milky way in my case!
development: by do film lab. I asked for a +3 push as I had some other photos in this roll that were taken in very low light
other equipment: used a cheap, generic timer intervalometer from ebay compatible with this camera
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